Ready to go on "Safari." After 5 days of visiting centers, children and seeing life, we had the opportunity to see life almost as purely as God created it. Untouched, God crafted and eye opening!
bring me joy, bring me peace
bring the chance to be free
bring me anything that brings you glory
and I know there will be days
when this life brings me pain
but if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
-Mercy Me "Bring the Rain"
I was warned that when I returned from Africa I might be "in a funk." It might not be obvious, right away and it won't be short. When you see amazing things, painful and beautiful, you are not sure how to process them.
Tuesday...painful
Tuesday...beautiful. If you could only see the sky and the mountains as you heard them sing.
Only God!
Friday...beautiful like I can't describe. I have 300 pictures of sky and mountains. Every time I turned around I kept saying, "are you seeing this." Loved these 2 zebras just hanging out, looked like they were waiting for me to take their picture.
Oddly enough, a part of my funk has been anger. Angry at the way we treat each other. Angry at how important small things are. Angry at my failures. Angry that I can't hear God like I did. Angry about what some people go through. Angry about our lost world. Angry about my anger.
Anger has always been an issue for me...it pulls me away from everything beautiful. Then I read about Jesus, furiously whipping animals out of the temple and tossing over tables. Why? because a place that was set apart for God's glory was being used to separate the poor from Him. Instead of loving and being a welcoming place, the Temple became corrupt and an example of everything that keeps us from God.
Awesome, Jesus is anger, cool...that must mean my anger is ok, justified. After all, my anger has stemmed from much of the same things. This world was created to praise God, it is his temple.
I started looking more into why Jesus was angry because God does not just expect us to role over and be complete punching bags for the world...but justified anger is so dangerous...my weak body can't handle or balance that anger and that love like Jesus.
On a day to day basis how do you deal with the beauty and the pain? Do they lead you to anger? Trust in Jesus, I know...but my heart hurts so much sometimes. I am trying to get this trust thing down but am never sure how to completely live in it. I find myself unwilling to be patient with slow change or change that is not what I expect it to be. I have huge expectations for my kids at school and I am unwilling to relax when even one needs so much. The, "you can't help everyone" or "some kids you just can't reach" arguments just don't make sense to me. Why has God put me there then?
As for the anger...they see enough of that where they come from and while I am EXTREMELY firm it is my main goal to lead and teach with love. I don't want anger. I don't want hurt. I don't want pain. Sometimes God needs pain, however, and then I think of my brother-in-law Shawn.
Shawn leaves for Texas Sunday for 6 weeks of training and then off to his 3rd tour at war. I was in Tanzania for 8 days, surrounded by Christians feeding each other God's word and God's love and I have no idea how to handle everything I saw. How does he handle what he sees? How does he handle war? How does he handle hate, anger, loneliness?
I will be praying so much for you my brother. So much...
Jennifer, Shawn, Johnny and Lily Branson
Praying for soldiers has almost becoming a "given" or a cliche. But this is Jenn's husband, Johnny's Daddy, Lilly's Dada, Sammy's Uncdle Shawn, my brother...God's child.
I don't know what you'll see, what you'll have to do or what your day to day will be like but I do know that an amazing God goes before you, a forgiving God loves and a powerful God protects you and your family.
His will is often not ours and that is scary.
I love you dearly.
