Starting to Come Together

Sitting, patiently, in the Masi hut.  Not sure of what I am seeing, why I am there but starting to feel how powerful God's joy is...Psalm 16:11

Saturday will mark 2 weeks since I left Tanzania, or at least start the traveling process; seems like long enough to head out and get a tattoo.  I will be getting a lion on my right forearm with the phrase "Bwana Asefewi" which means, "Praise the Lord."  I have always been a worrier, even to the point of panic attacks and Lexipro over the past year.  My last panic attacks came the week before I left, while trying to sleep.  At this point I know to just try and breath through them, but the first one I ever had sent me running in my boxers across the street to my parents thinking I was having a heart attack.  Of course my wife, daughters and parents were all in PA visiting Grandma Joyce.  I ended up in the hospital and on a walking heart monitor for 2 weeks...turns out, nothing wrong with the heart....just my head.  Anyway, it has always bothered me that I have not been able to completely let go of my worry and trust in God.  It makes me feel like I am holding something back, even when I am not sure what that could be.  I can say the right things and logically know that the God that designed the caterpillar with over 100 muscles in its head is looking after me, but somehow...ugh!

I have been feeling the prompting to read the book of Daniel for a while now, a man who totally trusted in the the impossible things that God could and can do.  The book I have been reading The Circle Maker has pushed me to stop asking weak, lame prayers.  Stop giving God an out if a prayer "isn't anserwed."  Start expecting God to do the impossible, start praying as if He is God.  I have since starting praying for my daugher, my Dad's pain and a few other personal things.  While answers do not come at my pace or in my way of solving them, that is the point of God answering prayers and not me.  About 2 months ago, by brother stopped by; completely shaken.  He told me that he had been let go at work.  This is a job he moved his family out here for, that he was diligently trying to learn and in Maryland you are allowed to fire someone within 90 days without cause our documentation...he was fired on day 89.  Everything about it screamed unfair and awful.

I had just finished reading about a prayer walk that Mark Batterson, pastor at NCC in DC, did through DC 15 years ago when the church was strugglin.  It is his book, The Circle Maker, that has really pushed my thinking.  One of the scriptures he circles and puts great emphasis on is the falling of the walls of Jericho.  In the story Joshua is told my God to circle the walls of Jericho once a day for six days and on the seventh day circle it seven times; for a total of 13 times.  His army is to remain quiet until the seventh day and then they are to let out crys and cheers worthy of God...that is the battle plan.  Circle in silence, trust God and of course pray. The result is the walls crumbling on the last circle and the city falling, an "Only God" victory.

That night, after my brother left, I was prompted to leave the house and pray.  I circled our street 13 times, praying and talking to God.  At times I was angry, built up and yelling at Satan, at other times I was calm, silent and looking up.  The last 2 laps Natalie called me and I talked to her about praying and struggling, I realized what a gift she was that night.  That God has put whatever steps in my life in motion with her, what we do for God we do by building each other up in His word. 

I don't know the results of that prayer, but I countine to pray.  My brother's wife now has a job, he is changing careers and going to school to be a mechanic.  It will be a tough year and a half.  My Dad hurts more right now than he has in a while, but God answers prayers and failure only means that I have given up...that I have not.

I say all of this to point to my first day in Tanzania, at the compassion office.  We joined the local staff in devotionals and music (ever hear 30 Americans and 30 Tanzanians sing Shout to the Lord, awesome!)  During that time they share a few mini-messages, of course guess what the focus was...praying to God like He is GOD and the scripture...walls of Jericho!  This caused me to finally start reading the book of Daniel and trying to truly trust God.

Steph, Catherine and Eve...btw, women had to wear a skirt every time we went to a center.  Don't know if it bothered them, but I was dressed in dirty cargo pants everyday.

Everyone knows, from Sunday school I assume, about Daniel and the lions.  That he refused to stop praying to God, despite the law.  I was also struck by the first story in Daniel 1.  In it he joins the kings staff and is ordered to eat and drink the meat and wine from the king, which had been used in ceremonies to other Gods.  Daniel asked the guard to bring him only fruits, vegetables and water for a week and see if he were as strong and healthy as the others taking the kings offerings.  In Daniel 1:8 it says that he refused to "defile" himself.  Of course he was stronger at the end, staying true to God, despite the pressures of the world around him.  I was also really struck by the his response to an impossimble situation.  When the the king demands that his dream not just be interpreted, but they must tell him what the dream was all of the other magicians and what not started to panic and eventually said, "no one can do this, only God and he does not dwell among us."  Daniel did NOT freak out, he went to his boys and said that they all need to pray and beg to God.  In an impossible situation he immediatly turned to prayer and turned to God...because HE IS GOD.

We prayed over the water in the reserve and filter at the center that finally brought clean water to the area.  Before this water they shared the damed area you see below with animals, nature and who knows what else.  Most women who asked us for prayer asked for health for their children, that they be spared of disease.

 Yeah, it was that dirty,that unsafe.  A few of the guys spend a little time with the 6 and 7 year old boys hearding their father's cows.

 I can't shake the image of the little guy, second from the left.  He was eating a piece of corn that was just covered in flies.  There were flies all over his face and hands and he never moved to brush them off.  Gave them candy, told them that God loved them and prayed with their mother.  At times you feel so small and are not even sure what you are seeing or why.


Do not defile myself under the pressures of the world.  Each compassion staff member and worker at the center and transolator that I met started and ended each talk, conversations and quick note with "Bwana Asifewi" - Praise the Lord.  Every time!  Sometimes they would say it 3 or 4 times, no shame, no hiding.  In a country that is 60% Muslim, when the singing and call to prayer wakes you at 5:45 in the morning (actually only woke me twice because I was so tired) they refused to defile themselves, they refused to not Praise the Lord.

That is who I want to be in Christ, someone who does not hide.  The lion has become a symbol of that for me, representing not just Daniel's courage but the country and the courage of those staff members trying to raise children out of poverty that you can't imagine.

Prayer:

By the way, Natalie and I set our alarms and pray for Ella everyday at 8:30 when her school starts.  We pray that God make her strong, that he show us her beauty and that each thing she has to fight to learn and know brings her closer to Him.  We pray for the teachers, her friends and for us as parents.  8:30...fell free to join in, she is so worth the prayer and God is so capable of doing something with her we could never imagine.